She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
