remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
