Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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