i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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