I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
