she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
MIDGETS
????
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
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