What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
