Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
