And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
