you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
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