Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
