Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Randomize
