That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Randomize
