I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Do vagina's smell?
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
