Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
