You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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