my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
we're chasing vodka with high fives
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
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