If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
