i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
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