She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
