i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
