like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
