in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
