shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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