I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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