I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
