Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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