Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
