No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
