I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
