bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Randomize
