I will die if light touches me.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize
