Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
