how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
