Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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