She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
