mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
