i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
