We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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