I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
one might say we're banned from that church
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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