wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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