Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
You made out with two different species that night
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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