I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Drunk is a universal language darling
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
