PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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