I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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