i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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