oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
