I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
