Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
