I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
