I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
