so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
