I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
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